Let the wrinkles lie where they may…
I heard someone say recently that we are not free until we no longer feel we have someone to impress. I struggle with that on a daily basis, so I guess I’m not as free as I thought. I realize that Satan can sit on my shoulder and whisper whatever he wants into my ear. I realize that I’ve been blessed far beyond what I’ve ever deserved to be. At the same time I find myself feeling this, sometimes overwhelming, desire to be the center of attention. Not just the center of a particular person’s universe, but the center of EVERYONE’s universe…Is this feeling part of that gaping God-sized hole that exists in all of us?
Why do I fantasize about things I don’t really want or need rather than make happen the things that are right in front of me that I can improve on? Am I simply trying to squelch an unconscious desire for true intimacy by fantasizing about interesting people who come into my life? Maybe so…do I pay for therapy?
I think maybe what would be productive for me is to use my creative abilities to write a book. I seem to have this need for some type of romance, and maybe I could channel this into something useful. Women need more role models to encourage them to NOT throw themselves into a physical relationship before marriage. Why not have the heroine be a gorgeous, strong, and buxom creature (hmm…narcism at it’s finest) who makes the man of her dreams wait until he says “I do” before letting him do more than kiss her chastely?
Man, do I really want to know more about him…
Sigh…time for therapy.
Very nice smile. Very patient.
Sigh…time for therapy.
I know there’s a reason why God puts everyone in my path that he does. Is it simply for the benefit of my children’s artistic sensibilities? Will I end up the merry widow and fall hopelessly head over heels for this person? Kind of morbid, but interesting material for a book.
Once I say something out loud and realize how ridiculous it is, I tend to move on quickly. Good thing…
Maybe it’s maturity I’m lacking. It takes maturity to practice self control. This would definitely explain my penchant for shoe shopping. I can be a bit impulsive sometimes when it comes to money.
It takes me back to that thing I heard a few weeks ago. We ask people to pray for us when there is something we don’t want to do, yet we have to do it. I think there’s definitely some truth to this. It’s not so much that I want to give up my vanity…it’s that I don’t want to have to PAY for my choices. It would be so nice to be able to do exactly what I want to do, WHEN I want to do it, and NOT have to EVER pay any consequences. Not run out of money…not risk my family…not be fired from my job…just do what I want and not ever have to worry about what comes next.
Sigh…Maybe maturity comes in when a person realizes it can never be that way if you really want to LIVE, rather than just float along at the mercy of Mother Impulsivity.
